by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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