I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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