just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
