Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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