if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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