I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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