can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
