so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
