He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
