im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
