never play flip cup with pint glasses
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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