Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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