Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
