I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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