I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
