Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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