she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
