the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
