You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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