woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
