watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
