it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
