I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
