Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just invented taco cereal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
