I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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