I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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