I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
