When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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