I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
