Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
