man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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