I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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