I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
