how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
