I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
