Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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