I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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