Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
