his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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