Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
