I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
