I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
