i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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