oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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