Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need a beard to bite.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
