I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
