i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
