I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
