Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
