this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
